100 Things Millennial Moms Actually Want For Mother's Day
~*MARGARITAS AND BULLSHIT*~
Welcome to Forever Millennials, a place where I write about life, motherhood, getting older, stuff I love, and millennial nostalgia. Come for the laughs, stay for existential dread! XOXO.
Moms don’t ask for much!!!!!! Really!! That’s why we carry the entire mental load! (I mean, I just typed “carry” as “cary,” and I’m not sure if it was a typo. The brain is at capacity.)
As the mom of a 4 year old and 1 and a half year old, I put together a list of 100 gift ideas I’m LOVING for Mother’s Day this year!!! These are ALL the things I’d love to receive this year, next year, and honestly, all of the years to come. I hope this gives you all the inspo you need to make mom’s day, week, month, and also year!
100 things millennial moms actually want for Mother’s Day:
1. No illnesses in the house for four consecutive weeks
2. No illnesses in the house for the entire summer?
3. The ability to sit down without having to get up every 5 seconds
4. A clean home
5. A clean home that stays clean for at least 24 hours
6. A mother fucking margarita in my mother fucking mouth
7. Not being woken up in the middle of the night
8. Not being woken up in the early, EARLY morning
9. Plans with friends
10. An espresso martini
11. Good pictures of me and my kids
12. Videos of me and my kids
13. ^^^These things without always having to ask
14. No one getting mad when I forget to respond to texts
15. A personal chef
16. The toy collection condensed
17. The toys on the ground put away
18. The end of tiny Barbie accessories
19. Stickers removed from all floors, doors, and pieces of furniture
20. Crayon removed from all walls and couches
21. A cold glass of rosé on a bug-free patio in the sun
22. Longer weekends because with activities, there’s no time for anything else???
23. The time to work out like I used to
24. The desire to work out like I used to
25. The hair I had before having kids
26. The body I had before having kids
27. The energy I had before having kids
28. The time I had before having kids (while also still having kids)
29. The mind fog I didn’t have before having kids
30. Sleep
31. Starbucks to stop having terrible coffee half the time
32. A brain that remembers to always bring snacks
33. A brain that remembers to put sunscreen on my kids when it’s hot and sunny outside
34. To arrive places on time
35. A new wardrobe (how did everything become 5+ years old?)
36. My c-section pouch to magically flatten
37. Mani/pedi
38. Cut/color
39. Brows/lashes
40. Botox
41. Free GLP-1s with no side effects
42. Family photos (preferably after all of the above)
43. The ability to pick outfits for family photos without having a panic attack
44. A bottle of wine I can drink right now, not later
45. Not feeling awkward at kids’ birthday parties
46. The ability to schedule play dates without feeling like I’m 18 and calling the doctor to schedule an appointment for the first time
47. Mom friends
48. Mom friends who like to drink margaritas and talk shit
49. No one judging me for how I parent
50. No one judging me for anything actually
51. A vacation with my kids, I mean for my kids
52. A vacation with my friends
53. A vacation with my other friends
54. A vacation with my husband
55. All four of these vacations every year
56. The mental capacity to read a book
57. Loose-fitting jeans that don’t make me look like an idiot?????
58. New sneakers
59. A bigger home
60. A better lawn
61. A newer car
62. My husband to stop making the house so fucking cold
63. AI that does laundry and dishes
64. AI that cleans throw up
65. A SELF-CLEANING HIGH CHAIR (why doesn’t this exist?)
66. The ability to sign my kids up for activities without having to go on waitlists
67. Cheese
68. Affordable daycare
69. Affordable pre-school
70. Actually no, free daycare and free pre-school
71. And free public kindergarten in every city and town while we’re at it
72. And also, affordable college that’s still affordable in 20 years
73. AND ALSO, affordable summer camp
74. Expensive cheese
75. Inexpensive kids clothes that don’t stain
76. Inexpensive kids clothes that don’t shrink
77. A place to put the growing number of bins full of outgrown kids clothes
78. An organized basement
79. A completed to-do list
80. My husband to stop asking me what to do and how to do it
81. The day my daughter will watch The Parent Trap with me
82. A day at a beach without kids
83. Actually, a day without kids at a 5-star resort’s pool because sand is messy and the ocean has sharks
84. One vintage night out with all of my friends
85. A car ride without being screamed at to play Disney music or the Paw Patrol soundtrack
86. One full day without hearing Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol, and Gabby’s Dollhouse
87. A winning lottery ticket
88. The ability to watch a sunset
89. Alone time at home
90. Alone time outside of home
91. A place to cry when my kid starts pronouncing words correctly
92. Another place to cry when my kid tells me they’re too old for something that they loved for a very long time
93. Peace
94. Quiet
95. No worries, literally
96. “5 fucking seconds”
97. “5 fucking minutes”
98. All the hugs and cuddles in the world, because in the end, this is all I need—even if they never give me 5 fucking seconds
99. Six cocktails
100. And no last minute flowers from the collection of whatever was left at the grocery store (please)
Follow me & buy my book!
Follow me on Instagram @theforevermillennials and @samanthamatt1
Buy my book Average is the New Awesome
Number 87, winning the lottery, would probably be able to unlock a lot of the other ones! I'll also take everything on this list 😆